Me and aunty (1995)

Why did you choose to become a therapist who works with relationships?

I didn’t set out to be a relational therapist.

Between 2012 and 2014, I was unhoused on and off, struggling to find work despite having a college degree. I felt ashamed, anxious, and tired in a way that went beyond exhaustion. I coped the best I could—with alcohol, with nightlife—but it caught up to me. After being hospitalized during a depressive episode, something shifted. I realized I didn’t want to keep surviving like this. I wanted something different, something to change.

The care I received at the time didn’t meet me where I was. It didn’t see the whole of me—queer, Asian, child of an immigrant mother and white father, shaped by third culture, still figuring things out. But a friend who was training as a marriage and family therapist encouraged me, and slowly I found my way back to school.

I wasn’t sure I was "relational" enough. I'd spent so much of my life feeling like the outsider in every room. But it turns out, that’s what drew me to this work: the possibility of connection, of repair, of being truly seen. Relationships are where so much of our pain shows up—but they’re also where healing can begin.

Me facilitating the first meeting of the MAMFT Mentorship Program with some amazing colleagues (2019)

Where did you grow up and what was your experience growing up?

I was born in the Philippines, and my family immigrated to the U.S. not long after, following the eruption of Mount Pinatubo. We moved around a lot—Texas, Alabama, North Dakota—but I spent most of my childhood in a tiny town in South Dakota, surrounded by open sky and not many people who looked like me.

Growing up queer and brown in spaces that didn’t always feel safe or welcoming was hard, and it shaped a lot of how I learned to move through the world. At the same time, I found pockets of safety and self-expression—in band, choir, drama club—where I could be weird, creative, and feel a little more like myself. If you’ve ever felt out of place or had to shape-shift to survive, you might know what that’s like too.

What do you do outside of the therapy space?

Bike, hike, play video games (RPGs, J-RPGs mostly), play clarinet and piano, sing, cook (Filipino and Japanese food: sinigang and katsudon are my soul food), watch anime, Jdramas, British comedy panel shows, horror movies; garden, and eat sushi. 

Who are the important people in your life?

My partner, Stella and Goma (see picture), 2 close friends whom I consider my family, as well as my community of therapists and scholars.